Personality types

Do you know your MBTI and/or Enneagram type? What are your attachment styles and love languages? Why does it matter?

For millenia, humans have tried to understand themselves and each other in a variety of ways. We are all different but we long to come to a better appreciation of why so we may better connect with others and our own selves. In ancient times, people associated personalities with elements: earth, air, water, and fire. The ancient Greeks came to a theory of the four humours which continued to be developed right into medieval medicine.

In more modern times, a plethora of approaches have grown up to assist us in understanding ourselves and others. These can be helpful for anyone, but in my opinion parents especially can benefit from learning what types they and their children are, so they can better appreciate the nuances of interpersonal conflict and not take differences personally.

1) Myers and Briggs developed MBTI based on Jungs theories of personalities.

While the MBTI is commonly used to try to classify people for the purposes of work, it is far more useful as a self-assessment and self-understanding tool as well as an approach to better appreciate the inherent differences in reasoning other types who are in one’s immediate circle of families experience, and why interactions as a result can be fraught.

2) Another approach is the Enneagram. Like the MBTI, it is much more useful in personal self-examination and connecting with one’s family and friends rather than being an accepted psycho-analytical tool.

3) Attachment styles were first posited by John Bowles in the 1950s. This is arguably one of the most important approaches for parents’ self-understanding and their appreciation for their children as attachment styles have a huge impact on family dynamics, the ability of each person to form relationships with others, and many other family-related issues.

Edit: that said, there is a significant WEIRD (Western Educated Industrialized Rich Democratic) bias that has not been addressed. See this scientific article for more.

4) The five love languages can be a tremendous boon to mutual understanding. I recently spoke to a couple who believes fervently that discovering each other’s love languages was the key to saving their relationship when it was under strain. Certainly it has helped many couples as well as parents to recognize that each of us places a different relative weight on the love languages, so a child may feel unloved because his/her/their love language is not being expressed meaningfully by the parents.

5) The big five personality dimensions – these are much more acceptable amongst psychologists as a means of identifying key personality traits than the above. That said, there are inherent limitations that must be recognized. These include that:

• it is a descriptor more than a theory;
• it does not fully account for differences between people
• it does not adequately explain causes of behaviours
• it does not account for people in rural, illiterate communities
• each trait is too broad

Edit: this excellent blog explains the WEIRD bias of the big 5.

There are other approaches like true colours that have been used, in some cases effectively. But I hope that what has been shared here will provide some food for thought, discussion, and connection as you continue on your journey of understanding yourself and your loved ones better.

The Science of Reading, Part 1

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This is the first in a series on the Science of Reading.

First, what is the Science of Reading?

“Some use the term in reference to neurological and cognitive science studies of how brains process written words (e.g., Reading in the Brain: The New Science of How We Read by Stanislas Dehaene or Reading at the Speed of Language by Mark Seidenberg). The problem with that approach, as valuable as those studies are, is that it ignores instructional research — the studies that consider the impact of how and what we teach.” …

“Historically, (reading) was used to refer to word reading (“decoding” in current parlance)— a tradition that goes back more than 200 years. Current claims align well with those historical uses. If someone says your school isn’t aligned with the science of reading, they likely mean that you are not teaching phonemic awareness and phonics in the ways that they think you should.” …

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Science of Reading vs National Reading Panel

“To me, the National Reading Panel results are part of a science of reading. But remember that was carried out in the late 1990s. During the past two decades research has expanded and we know more about what should be included in a science of reading instruction. Topics like writing and spelling to improve reading, text complexity, teaching reading comprehension within science and social studies, differentiation of instruction, quality of instruction, and text structure have all generated extensive bodies of research since the Panel closed its books. (A science of reading is always a moving target since knowledge is always conditional and research is always ongoing).”

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“How do I know if an instructional program or approach is part of a science of reading?”

Many programs will claim that their approach is consistent with the science of reading. However, the actual practices they use may be untested.

At least with a program like Kumon that has been used all around the world successfully for decades, we know that the phonics levels in the early part of the program as well as the grammar, vocabulary, and reading comprehension levels in AI through I II provide children with impressive tools to tackle the more complex critical thinking in levels J through L which roughly correspond to core expectations in grades 10 through 12 on an international standard.

In future blogs, I would like to zero in on a number of specific aspects of what the Science of Reading has helped us understand about the way children learn how to read, as the importance of building strong readers has only grown over the past two years of the pandemic when far too many students have developed huge gaps in their learning because of lockdowns and hastily assembled virtual learning classrooms that could only meet some of their needs.

Additional Reading

What Constitutes a Science of Reading Instruction? (Reading Research Quarterly, December 2020) 

Back to blogging!

It has been 6 years since I blogged here. What a lot has happened since!

As for most people, Covid has been a challenging time for people at our Kumon centre. We spent a lot of the last two years in and out of lockdown. We have run online classes continually on Zoom since March 2020 but it was hard keeping everyone’s motivation up during the times that we could not have in person classes.

Since we have been back to full in person three days a week as well continuing to run Zoom classes for those who prefer that option, we have really found the energy and enthusiasm of the students enlivening.

Over the past weeks, I have been meeting by phone and Zoom with many of the parents, and it has been tremendously encouraging to hear how much Kumon has helped their children in this very stressful global pandemic.

Now we are looking forward to our first awards day since 2019. It will be on June 14, and I can hardly wait to see the delight of all the students when they see the medals, certificates, ribbons, and plaques they will receive.

Onwards and upwards!

Malaysia!

Some of my students were curious about my trip to Malaysia last month, so I decided to blog some of my photos and the events of my trip.

My husband and I flew via Hong Kong on January 14. Of course, by the time we arrived, it was January 15, because of the 13 hours they are ahead of us.

This was one of many signs in the airport welcoming people in a wide variety of languages to Hong Kong. It is about a 15 hour flight from Toronto to Hong Kong. We left Hamilton by bus at 10:20 pm on January 13, as our flight left Toronto at 1:20 am January 14. Surprisingly, we got a lot of sleep on the plane.

The flight from Hong Kong to Kuala Lumpur is about 3 and a half hours long. This was one of the first sights that greeted us when we arrived in Malaysia at the airport.

Another unexpected sight was what looked like part of a tropical forest in enclosed glass right in the airport:

We were picked up at the airport by our kind host, the President of the Malaysian Kumon Association. She took us to collect her daughter from school and treat us to the first of many delicious Asian meals we enjoyed there, and then we went to her beautiful, spacious home to begin to recover from jet lag.

As this was a business trip, I was keen to see at least two Kumon centres. It was fascinating to see both the marked differences between Kumon there and Kumon here.

Malaysian, of course, is the primary language of signs on the streets, though everyone we interacted with spoke fluent English.

One cool feature of the tables at one of the centres we saw was this handy shelf under the table where students can slip stuff out of the way while doing worksheets.

I also really liked this Kumon backpack the students all had, instead of a pouch. Notice the bare feet. Everyone at the centre was barefoot, and when we were at the house where we were staying, we always removed our shoes before going inside.

The main purpose of my trip though wasn’t to visit Kumon centres, but rather to present at the annual meeting of the association there. But the committee was determined that we experience as much of Malaysia as we could while we were there, so we did do a fair amount of sight seeing in three very, very full days. One of the most entertaining places was a large open area where many monkeys came to be fed and hang out with anyone who visited them. The baby monkeys were especially adorable.

My husband made friends with one in particular.

We went to an orchid farm with stunningly beautiful and colourful flowers like this.

This statue of Buddha was amazing. It is much larger than it appears here as it is set into a cliff. There were also many little caves there showing the 18 different hells people could suffer if they did not live a virtuous life.

We visited a number of other places – the rice fields and the mill where the rice is processed, vital of course for a country where rice is a huge part of the diet; the night market, a phenomenon that springs up in any place with sufficient population full of a bewildering variety of stalls selling many kinds of goods and foods; a great field where kites were being flown by families relaxing after work and school; Little India in Kuala Lumpur, all decked out and festive in preparation for the Chinese New Year; and, of course, a number of Chinese and Indian restaurants where we ate far too much and enjoyed every minute of it.

The second to last day was the annual meeting in Kuala Lumpur. My presentation on international cooperation between Kumon associations worldwide and why associations are so vital to franchisees was well received, and we all were also intrigued by an excellent presentation following mine on NLP (neuro-linguistic programming).

Here I am with the association President (immediately to my left) and six out of the nine other members of her committee. I had spent quite a bit of time with four of these women as they were on our sightseeing adventures together with my husband and me.

The last day, unfortunately, my husband was not feeling well, so we relaxed at a hotel which had, to my delight, an infinity pool.

It was at the top of the hotel and you can see the plexiglass wall (but not the gap between the edge of the pool and the wall) that meant there is no danger falling over the edge down below!

The next day was back to the airport for another 24 hour travel home. The trip is impossible to encapsulate in one short blog. There were a plethora of intense discussions in which we learned much about the politics and history of Malaysia, the plans of the association for the future and the triumphs of the past short years since its inception, and many, many unforgettable impressions of a part of the world neither of us had ever seen before.

I am tremendously grateful for the opportunity to travel there on the kind invitation of that association, for the extremely warm and generous hospitality of all who welcomed us, and for the learnings of our week. I am looking forward to the next excursion to a tropical Kumon location, the Riviera Maya in Mexico, near Cancun, where the Kumon North American conference will be held in July of this year.

Autumnal Thoughts

This time of the year, I find, is a more reflective one. Summer was beautiful, full of sunshine and long walks, and leisurely conversations with children. Autumn is very hectic, especially September, but also with the cooler weather, decreasing light, and gathering rain clouds, leads to a pensive frame of mind.

I have been thinking of many things over the past few weeks. My Kumon journey of over 20 years so far, including the first years as a Kumon parent, has been filled with all kinds of variety. I have seen my children go from just starting school (and life, since my third child was born within the first year of my Kumon centre in Outremont) to working in their careers in computers and machining. My youngest is starting her second semester at Concordia University, so all my birds have flown the nest and are living in Montreal. Life is very different when there are only two adults in the house.

I watch parents with their babies and small children, and remember what that felt like. I remember the years of homework, sports activities, music lessons, laughter, tears, the happy times, the times of conflict and pain. So much goes into parenting, and being a parent is for life. You know your children will not stop needing you even when they live far away and seem to be running their lives entirely just fine without you, thank you very much.

What are the most important things I feel I gave my children? I certainly believe the gift of Kumon was high on that list, because they not only developed excellent math and reading skills, but they learned self-learning, perseverance, and many other vital things that will always contribute to a happier and more productive adult life.

In a way, though, I am most proud of the characters my children have. They are complete individuals. They think for themselves, and question everything. They are fiercely independent, and also have a warm circle of close friends. They are caring and look out for others. Kumon certainly contributed to their character, yet it will always be mysterious how much of who they are and are becoming is nature and how much is nurture.

They developed character through observing me, learning through their experiences, and being given the freedom to become who they are.

It is that tension between providing freedom and setting rules which is perhaps the hardest thing about parenting. Often one has to be the “bad guy” and say no, when it would be easy and fun to say yes. And often one has to let go and allow them to try new things, when the instinct is strong to hover and protect.

So wherever you are in the whole parenting cycle, I wish you the best, to nurture your children and/or those you mentor both to gain strong skills and character, and wings to fly high.

Characteristics of Innovative Leaders

So, a couple of weeks ago I shared this on my centre FB page, because this spoke to me about the kinds of characteristics we would like to build in our children. It got me thinking, too about which ones I value the most. Diversity, trust, vision, challenging status quo, deep expertise, high goals, moving on things, asking questions, listening to answers, teamwork – how can I choose just one or five? These are all vital.

Nature News: Stress of growing up poor can hurt brain development

This is a very disturbing though not surprising article from Nature News.

http://www.nature.com/news/poverty-shrinks-brains-from-birth-1.17227?WT.mc_id=FBK_NatureNews

“The stress of growing up poor can hurt a child’s brain development starting before birth, research suggests — and even very small differences in income can have major effects on the brain.

“Researchers have long suspected that children’s behaviour and cognitive abilities are linked to their socioeconomic status, particularly for those who are very poor. The reasons have never been clear, although stressful home environments, poor nutrition, exposure to industrial chemicals such as lead and lack of access to good education are often cited as possible factors..

” In children from the poorest families, income disparities of a few thousand dollars were associated with major differences in brain structure, particularly in areas associated with language and decision-making skills. Children’s scores on tests measuring cognitive skills, such as reading and memory ability, also declined with parental income.”

Thankfully, the article ends on a hopeful note.

“Still, the researchers are hopeful that the impacts could be reversible through interventions such as providing better child care and nutrition. Research in humans and in other animals suggests that is the case: a study in Mexico, for instance, showed that supplementing poor families’ income improved their children’s cognitive and language skills within 18 months².

“It’s important for the message not to be that if you’re poor your brain is smaller and will be smaller forever,” Sowell says.

2014 Kumon Student Awards Celebration

Very much looking forward to our awards event at the Kumon centre tomorrow, Tuesday March 25, 2014. These are bright and happy moments for our centre year by year as we celebrate how each of our students is progressing in Kumon, the milestones which have been achieved and just generally have a wonderful time.

A Beautiful Mind

A wonderfully inspiring true story about a brilliant mathematician who didn’t let childhood blindness stand in her way.

“As a young girl, Dr Yeo Sze Ling fell in love with mathematics, solving maths problems like little puzzles in her head.

The fact that she had glaucoma and lost her sight at age four did not stop her from pursuing her love for the subject, winning an A*Star scholarship in 2002 to do her PhD in maths.

Her grit earned her a mention in Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong’s National Day Rally speech last week.

Dr Yeo, 35, now a research scientist at A*Star, spends her days at its infocomm security department doing cryptography, a field which protects data as it transfers from one computer system to another.”

I find it also very heart-warming how Dr Yeo always helps others who face similar challenges.

“Helping younger, blind students is what Dr Yeo calls her “greatest satisfaction”. She says: “So many people in my life have helped me along – my teachers, peers and even just random strangers on the street, so I want to pass it on by helping others.”

Paying it forward at work transforming lives. Love it.

How Grit leads to Success

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Leaving a high-flying job in consulting, Angela Lee Duckworth took a job teaching math to seventh graders in a New York public school. She quickly realized that IQ wasn’t the only thing separating the successful students from those who struggled. Here, she explains her theory of “grit” as a predictor of success.

At the University of Pennsylvania, Angela Lee Duckworth studies intangible concepts such as self-control and grit to determine how they might predict both academic and professional success”